Nerves are going to end right?

It is coming up the meeting with all the doctors and to be perfectly honest I am scared of what the doctors are going to say.  We are getting the orthopedic surgeon, the cardiologist, the pulmonologist, geneticist, the pediatrician, a few social workers, and a case manager.  I am just wondering what the doctors are going to say and what that will mean for us telling Rhett the decisions that he is going to have to make.  The bad part is that I am going to have to give all the information that the doctors have to Rhett and then asking him what he wants to do with that info.  Then I and daddy will have to enforce what Rhett's choice.  How many people have said that they let their 13 year old make the decisions about their life.  That is basically letting him decide if he is ready to be done with everything and let life run it's course or keep going and doing what we have been doing all this time.

Oh man I am so nervous....  I would love to know what others would do in my place.

Little quick update

Dylan was so cute the other day he walks in and says to me, "I need my oxygen."  When I turned and looked at him I asked why he needed that he looked at me and said "I needed to be like Rhett."  He was such a cutie getting his oxygen out and putting it on.  Then he got so frustrated when his cord would get stuck on the things on the floor and the walls.  It was super funny.

On a totally different note...  Gosh waiting for doctors can be so stressing.  I am still not sure when we are having this huge meeting.  I think that they are going to have the meeting this month but man the stress is mounting.  I cannot wait!!!

Rhett is tired and the teachers have noticed and have told me that he doesn't even want to walk from his chair to the board.  That just about broke my heart when I was told that.  He is struggling in school getting things done and turning them in for full credit.  Why can't he just get stuff done on time?  He has been treated like any other child and that is how it is going to stay as long as possible.

I have to post pictures of everything latter today.  It is going to take me a while to get them all up so please be patient.

It is so hard!

People have often asked how I am doing and to tell you the truth I just want to cry!  No there are very few people who know what it is like facing what I face every day but most of them are different issues since I don't know of anyone who has what my boys have.

You have no idea how hard it is to talk to these doctors and get as much info as you can and then understand that said info.  But when the doctors finally see the results and they can see how bad the results are... you still have to smile because you have your children right there and there is nothing that you can do about that but the doctors face drops into an almost grim face.  After going through what I have to go through I often tell people that I don't care, I also will tell people what I think most of the time if I am in one of my moods that let's me just get it out.  I feel like such a horrible person sometimes for being honest and mean with people, but heck the petty problems that they face compared to mine are so just that petty.  Yes I know that there are many people out there that have their challenges and I know it is hard for them, I understand.  I know everyone has problems and they are all different, and that is a good thing.  But when you ask for my opinion and you want me to be honest do be so put out if I don't tell you what you want to hear because I can only take so much before I just snap.

You have to understand where I am coming from.  We struggle everyday with just getting by not only with money, food, and everyday things but also with the health of our boys.  No we don't get help very often because we know of many people that could use it, and feel that they could use it more than us.

But man when we get the rug pulled out from under us so many times often I am ready to throw in the towel and say "screw you, I am done!"  How many times do I have to watch the faces of doctors drop and then have them tell me that they don't know?  I would love a straight answer for once instead of this I don't know, or we might be able to...

So Rhett asked me the other day when it was just him as me... "Mom if I pray hard enough and want it really bad and have the faith to get it will the lord give me the ability to fly?"
As I looked at him and tried not to laugh since I wouldn't have thought he wanted to fly, but then I remember he does love planes and wants to go on them more.  But because of fund not going to happen anytime soon...  I looked at him and said... "No sweetheart.  The Lord doesn't have the power to give you the ability to fly.  You see, people were not created with wings to fly on their own and that is why we have airplanes and not wings."
After he thought about that for a little while he said... "Well if I pray really hard and have the faith will the Lord be able to help get me off oxygen?"
As I looked at him and wanted to cry I said without crying..."Yes honey the Lord has the ability and power to help you get off oxygen.  It might not be the answer that you expect but he can do that if that is what you really want."
As I thought about that answer that I gave him I wonder if he really knows what is going on, I mean he is a smarty pants.  He even told the doctor that without oxygen he turns blue.

What would you do if you had to face everyday watching your child not breathe right and then find out and have the knowledge that the lungs of your child are not functioning the way that they are suppose to meaning that the lungs are slowly not working anymore?  How would you handle it?

Happenings

I know it has been a while since I posted and there have been many things that have happened.  So forgive me while I catch up on everything that has happened.  Let me see where was I???

So the kids have been going stir crazy being at home almost all the time.  Swimming lessons for Nikole and Gavin was through the month of June and into July.  It has been hard on Rhett and Dylan watching their siblings swim and they have to sit out.  Dylan has had it really hard not wanting to go and always saying swimming lessons for him.   Luck for them they started a set of lessons the end of the month of July.    While Rhett was at scout camp with daddy and my car we had to ride our bikes to swimming lessons which wasn't bad it was great seeing Nikole, Gavin, Dylan, and I go to the lessons.  Of course Dylan was in the bike trailer and Gavin was just learning to ride without his training wheels.

Rhett had his exercise study the end of June and he does get higher levels of pressure in his lungs.  So they have put him on some medication to help with the pressures.  He is still taking his breathing medication.  We are also working on getting him to wear his bypap, but he really doesn't like it since it blows air out his ears.  I hope that I will be able to get him in to the audiologist sometime to get really good ear plugs just for him to wear at night.  I hope, but I am not sure he will since he loves hearing the music playing at night. 
Rhett has some very special friends in a non-profit organization that we are with, and they emailed me and asked if they could do a picture for him.  Mural is more like it, since when they contacted me they said the picture would be about 4 feet by 6 feet.  I measured the wall next to his bed and it was a perfect size!  They said they wanted to present it to him at the motorcycle ride that they have every year.  He was so excited!  When they presented it to him we just couldn't help but grin.  He loved it!!!  They said that they needed to get it framed and then they would deliver it.  While he was at scout camp the first week of July they called and told me that they were going to be able to deliver it!!  Holy cow!  When we got home from swimming lessons they were there waiting for us.  How exciting Rhett was going to to come home and his mural was going to be at our house.  He had a lot of fun at scout camp and was able to do many things.  I was just happy that he could go since it is lower in elevation, so this was the first scout camp that he was able to attend.  He came in and couldn't stop smiling when he saw the mural.
As he was taking swimming lessons these last 2 weeks he has learned to float better, elementary backstroke, and front float.  He still cannot go very far since his oxygen cannot let him go very far but still he had a blast.  He has had a great teacher that is so excited for him to progress even so slightly.

Nikole was taking swimming lessons through June and half of July.  She is starting to swim laps!!  I am super excited!!  I thought that my kids would never show an interest in swimming like me.  I told my kids that when they could keep up with me swimming then I would take them swimming with me.   She has been a good helper.  She has been spending sometime with her cousins in Idaho and she loves it since they have a cat and girls!  She is a little homesick but you know that just means that she really loves us!!  She loves drawing pictures and is a great little artist.  She draws pictures for Dylan that he just loves!  There have been a few times that she doesn't want to help and it makes her frustrated when she has to push the wheelchair, or watch her brothers.  I just guess that it is just because she wants to be a normal sister.  I can understand.  She is going to be starting 5th grade this fall and I know she is sure excited to be going to school again.  I guess she has had way too much summer.  Ha ha ha!!!

Gavin is doing great at helping around the house and being a great big brother to Dylan.  Every now and again he just doesn't want to be the big brother.  As he had swimming lessons, he is actually getting better at learning to swim.  He wants to swim better than Nikole.  I asked him how bad he wants to swim better then her and he said a lot.  I told him that he needs to practice lots, so that is what he is going to do according to him.  He can be a frustrating little skinny dude but he is sure a cutie when he isn't throwing a fit like a normal child.  He will be starting 2nd grade and he is looking forward to it I think.  LOL!!  Ok so I am a little nervous about him going since he has always had a little bit of a hard time at school.  But this year it is going to be better, thinking positive thoughts.

Dylan is a cutie!  He has sat patiently through Nikole's and Gavin's swimming lessons.  He had a few out breaks of sadness because he wanted to swim.  But who could blame him I wanted to go swimming too. :)  He was great riding his bike, but while we were riding to and from swimming he had to be int the bike trailer since a little over 7 miles on a 12 inch bike is just too far for that little boy to go.  He also had a exercise study and I am still waiting to hear back from the doctors about the results.  He is funny and he loves to dance.  He was telling me the other day "I am shaking my booty." and I wasn't even sure what he was saying until he had said it at least 10 times and then he was showing me.  What a crack!  He has been saying things that Gavin has said so not I am in the process of correcting both of them.  Of course it is really hard to understand what he is saying until he has said it  over and over again, but still.  He loves running and he always wants to be first.  I think he has learned that from the other kids too.  I just found out not too long ago that Dylan's friend from school Autumn is not going to be at the school next year.  I don't have the heart to tell him since he has already had a few of his friends graduate and move on the the next school.  But there are so many deaf kids at the school they have no room for the hearing kids.  He is going to have a broken heart when he finds out.

I will post some pictures next to catch up on everything that has happened.  I hope that I have a video of Dylan dancing that way you can see him shake his booty as he calls it.

The boys are going to have a few more appointments this month and we are going to get some answers to so very big questions.  I will go into more detail as soon as I can, but for now this is all I have.

End of School

Well the end of school came so fast I hardly had anytime to breathe. And now it is almost the end of June!! Oh crap! I have not had time to update this in a while. So I guess I will have to start at the beginning of June.

Dylan's last day of school was May 31st. He had a cute little graduation ceremony that Rhett attended since Rhett couldn't go to the field day. Rhett and daddy took lots of different pictures and it was sure cute. He got the little explorer award or something like that. He was sad when he was finished with school and kept asking for his friends.

Rhett's last day of school was the first of June and he was late to school because they were planning a surprise birthday party. I helped his teacher decorate the room the night before and it looked great for being a classroom. Actually I dropped him off at school late so that way everyone was ready for him. It was like a great big party for him and his school friends. I know not every junior high student has this kind of thing but I am glad that he does. On June 4th I took Rhett and Dylan to see some of Rhett's friends and they had a blast!!! They were great and it was fun for everyone.

On June 6th Was Rhett's birthday!! He is now officially a teenager!! We had a party for him and it was fun, and the kids had fun well at least I think that they did. LOL!!

The 6th of June was also the last day of school for Gavin and Nikole! Now all of them are out of school.

Then it was some appointments starting on the 7th with the dentist and the 8th for a well child and also another follow up since Dylan got croup again!! I could not believe that he had it not even a month after he had it before. The doctor said that Rhett looked great and cleared him to be able to go to scout camp. Which is great for him and makes me more nervous like any parent. LOL!! Oh well. Next was a cardiology appointment on the 12th. It was a exercise study and he did great for him but... We are still waiting for the doctor to call and give us the info on what the test results showed. Then there was another doctors appointment on the 19th for Rhett lucky for us it was just a normal orthodontist appointment.

Nikole and Gavin started swimming lessons on the 18th so hopefully they will be swimming better before the end of summer. LOL!!

I promise I will post pictures of the end of the school year as soon as I have them, since I don't have most of them.

The fire that broke out not even 100 miles from here have made it hard for our family to be able to do anything outside for obvious reasons. I am sad to have to cancel so many things but there is nothing that I can do about that since the fire is still there burning. Even though we are stuck inside my thoughts and prayers go out to those who have been forced from their homes. We still have appointments coming up and hopefully they will all go smoothly.

On a side note... The last post was just info I was frustrated and needed to vent, and also it mostly happens with kids. No one that I know personally acts this way towards us, because they have gotten to know our family and they don't treat my kids "weird" like others have done. I will update next with photos!

The things said

So this might sound like a little rant but this has really been bothering me and I am sure I am not the only person out there that feels this way.

I am not perfect but I try my best to treat others the way that I would want them to treat me and my kids.  Here is the point...

If you have mean things to say DON'T!!!  Yes I know you are entitled to your own opinion and that is great, but why don't you think before you open your mouth?  Think how is this going to affect the other person.  There is a good chance that you don't know what is going on in their life right now, or you are not sure how they are handling everything that they have to in balance.

I know I have been hurt several times by people ranging from family to total strangers not thinking before they speak and really hurting me.  They will never know how much they have hurt me because I refuse to stoop to their level and let them know they have hurt me.  I know they don't mean to be hurtful to me, but that doesn't make the hurt go away.  There are lots of people that just do not understand that when they open their mouth and say what they want they are bound to hurt someone.  They think that it is something that needs to be heard, but most of the time that isn't the case.

I know that this also applies to me but I am trying to keep my opinions to myself and then if someone asks then I will share but until that person actually asks too bad I refuse to share.  I don't want to hurt others like I have been hurt.

This also applies to parents teaching their kids on the correct things to say.  I have seen several kids come up and ask me(usually) and Rhett(sometime) point blank, "What is wrong with him/you?"  He looks at me with a broken heart.  I turn point blank doesn't matter what age the child is or adult, "There is nothing wrong with him what is wrong with you?"  I know mean but get it through your head!  This boy has been through so much and he thought you were his friend until you opened you mouth and didn't think about asking why he has oxygen, or why he is shorter than normal kids his age.

You should teach your kids how to approach someone with a disability and ask questions appropriately.  I know I have done that with my kids and I correct them often  and we go over situations where I might not be with them but if they are curious and want to ask questions ask them with the feels of the person they are talking to in mind so they do not cause unnecessary heart ache.

Going on with my little rant...

Even if you think you might have the persons best interest in mind understand you do not know them as well as you might like to believe you do.  I am tired of defending myself from all the closed minded peoples attacks verbally.  I understand that we are all human but please think before you speak.  Even if you know the persons background and you know what is going on in their life it still gives you no excuse to say anything you want to them even if you think it will make them feel better.  Well guess what it doesn't help and it makes the person you are talking to feel horrible!!!  Often times I just want people to let me know that they care, I don't want pity or drama from them

I let people know what is going on in my life so that way my sister and brother stay informed and that is the only reason if I help others that it great.  They both live so far away and it easier for me to just put everything here so they know what is going on since I normally have so much going on that it can be hard keeping track of everything.

On a different note I have had a few people ask me how I handle everything all the time.  It really isn't that hard.  Either I laugh or cry but if I start crying I never stop.  I put a smile on my face so no one knows what is going on, and trust me I am a great actress.  I only go day by day.  I am thankful that I am able to get up in the morning and to be able to get things done that I need to do.

Hope everyone has a great day!

Rain is pouring

Man I am not sure I am going to make it.  But then I think about my little saying... "When it rains it pours and when it pours you just need to dance in the rain."

I am not holding my breath but I spoke to the pulmonologist about Rhett's CT scan and he read me the whole scan.  This is what I came away with, compared with the previous study it didn't sound too good.  So get this a mL and a cc are the same thing as far as anyone has ever told me.

There is scattered air sacks in the right lung that will no inflate as much as they should be, because he just doesn't have the room and the negative pressure to fully inflate all the way.  According to the CT scan it is similar to the prior study.  There is still a tiny bit of fluid around his right lung, but nothing too serious.  So far so good I guess.  I mean there isn't a big difference from the previous study done in October 2010.  I am glad that they have something to compare this new CT scan taken in May 2012.

They were also able to compare the lung volume and this is what they informed me of, in 2010 his right lung estimated to have 520 cc and the CT scan he had taken just this month his lung volume is estimated to be at 391 cc.  His left lung in 2010 estimated to have 389 cc and now it is estimated to have 326 cc.

WHAT!!!!  You have got to be kidding!!!  He had surgery on his right side of his chest to help open up his lungs and give him more lung volume. 

 When I was getting all this info from the doctor he was not convinced that they are accurate but they have always, and I mean always have gone up after ever surgery to expand his chest, but he is still wanting to get another PFT to be more accurate on what is really going on in his body but we have to wait and have that test done in August to give his body some time to heal before that happens.  Well now I know why his oxygen has increased and he struggles more.  But still his lung volume should not have dropped with them opening up his chest and have 7 broken ribs on top of that too.  What the heck!!

 I am not sure what it is going to turn out to be but I am also working on trying to get all the doctors in one place at one time and that isn't any easy feat.  On top of which I am trying to move up the genetic appointment that he has since it has been over a 6 month wait just to get in to see the doctor.  SUCKS!!!  I hate it when I try to get into the doctors office and they are like well the first available it 9 months from now.  What good is that going to do?

So now it is a waiting game I do believe.  I will for sure keep ya up to speed if things change.  I am grateful for all the support that we have received from so many different people, some that know us and others that are people that we don't know but just know us by this blog.  Thank you.

Update to CT scan

Ok so I got the news from the doctor that the fluid around Rhett's right lung has decreased which is great! Knowing that I asked about the hazy stuff they could see in the right lung and the doctor said that the hazy stuff that they saw on the x-rays were pockets in his lung that were still collapsed.  SERIOUSLY!  Apparently he doesn't have enough negative pressure to inflate it all the way.  So now I have to figure out a how to get his lung inflated again.  I was also told that I need to take him in and find out from the pulmonologist and get his opinion on what to do.  So it looks like he has never gotten it up and working since the collapse from after surgery.

Gosh I guess I can say that this really sucks.  But I guess I can handle it right, or maybe He has too much faith in my abilities.  Not having a good time right now with all this drama but most of it is emotional drama.  Not sure how to juggle all of this on top of everything else.

Oh Vey!

Ok so I have been using that saying lots.  It has made my kids crazy!  Wah ha ha ha ha...  It is about time they are crazy and not me.

I know I am totally playing catch up but that is because when things happen they never go slow they always seem to go so fast that I have no control over what I am able to get done or not.  Sorry it took me so long to get to this but heck at least I was able to get to it.

So This week has been a roller coaster ride for most of us, who am I kidding I mean to say all of us.  LOL  The saying is when it rains it pours right well I think that 90% of the time it is raining here.  At least that is how I feel right now.  There is also another saying April showers bring May flowers right?  Well can we skip the showers and just have the flowers?

When Rhett came home it was like normal he laid down next to his concentrator to warm up but it was nice and warm out.  Not sure what to make of all of this.  I helped all that kids make dinner and get them ready for bed as I walked to help get Dylan's clothes I looked in the bathroom since everyone except Rhett and I had eaten.  Rhett was there throwing up that poor boy.  Not sure what happened, but I took his temp and found out that his temp was out of control high, and that was even a hour after he had take some ibuprofen, Oxycodone, and iron.  I just didn't understand since it had been a hour since I had given him the meds, he shouldn't be carrying that high of a temp after those in his system.  I called the doctor since he was very pale and tired.  I had him lay down and check his stats(oxygen in his blood).  Guess what it was 98 which is great!  I mean heck it only goes to 100 right?  Well he was doing wonderful.  As I was talking to the doctor I notice that he was working pretty hard breathing and let her know that and as we went over everything I notice that his oxygen was on 3 Liters!  HOLY COW THAT IS DOUBLE!!!  CRAP!!!  After that we both the doctor and I decided that he needed to go to the hospital.  So I packed up a bag and was getting ready when I remembered my car was in the shop.  Why is this happening to me?  Oh wait it isn't me it is our family.  But I sure feel like it is me since I face the force of it everyday as I am the one that takes care for the the kids so I get it in and out everyday.  Well anyways off my rant...LOL!  I get a ride up to the ER with Rhett and as we get close to the freeway he decides that he needs to throw up.  We pull over and let him out of the car just in case and yep he did throw up.  Glad that it wasn't in the car.  But after he felt better for a while and we headed up to the hospital.  We arrived there around 10 pm so I know both of us were pretty tired.  I took everything in and pushed Rhett in his wheelchair.  As we were checking in there appeared a tech that said, "Hi Rhett."  I was surprised and asked him if he has worked on Rhett, he said he wasn't sure but that Rhett did look familiar.  Doesn't surprise me since there have been many people that have worked on Rhett. 

I have figured out if I am ready to spend time at the hospital by packing a bag then they usually send us home and I figure that I will be ready they will say "ahhh.... yep go home". 

 We get into a room at the ER and the Nurse Practitioner and nurse came in very soon after we got there.  I was surprised the ER was super slow and very quiet compared to other times when we were there.  He didn't want to get another x-ray because Rhett had just had one taken the day before.  He wanted to get some blood work and run some tests.  He also wanted to start an IV.  No idea why since I knew he had been drinking quite a bit and was so not dehydrated.  But then the doctor decided that even in one day there could be changes on his x-ray and he needed to have it taken again.  So before the blood work was done and the IV put in we went down to get the x-ray and had to even get a change of pants since he had a accident.  I don't understand that they want to put him on fluids even after that happening.  FRUSTRATING!!!  Oh well that is what happens in the hospital.  Too bad that he couldn't be out like when he had surgery.  They came in to get the blood and start the IV.  It took them a little while and he was sad and crying.  But after they were done the nurse came in and started the IV.  After that he was just in so much pain and was always crying and telling me that his IV hurt and he could feel it in the middle of his arm and it hurt really bad.  The nurse came in and turned it down and then left.  After a little while a different nurse came in and turned it off after Rhett had pushed the button several times and told them that it hurt hit.  They also wanted him to give a urine sample to see if it was something the blood didn't show.  We were the only ones in that wing of the ER because it was so slow.  It was nice and quiet.  So After all the tests it was just a waiting game.  After a few hours the Nurse Practitioner came back in and said well we know what it is very matter of factually.  He had determined that it was a UTI.  Ok, then why isn't he showing any symptoms other then a fever?  I mean heck there is nothing but that!  So they sent us home on antibiotics and that was at 3 am.  Wow what a long night that was.  His fever went away.  The x-ray showed nothing had changed and the blood work showed that his iron was still low and his white blood cells were high.  There was NO REASON for him to have that high of a fever!  Not a happy momma!!!  We get home at 3:30 am and hit the hay hard trying to get some sleep before getting kids up and out the door for school at 6 am.  Oh boy!  Rhett fell asleep very quickly which I am grateful for since I knew he had tests the next day at school.  After only 2 hours or less of sleep I got all of the kids up and got them out the door.  Then I did what I needed to do that day and by that afternoon both Rhett and I were exhausted!  We all went to bed early which was good for us.  Still no change in the x-ray so the pediatrician talked to the pulmonologist to see if he would recommend CT scan of Rhett's chest.  Of course he said yes and so then it was a fun try to get a hold of the surgeon since he was out of town on vacation.  The doctors said that they wouldn't do anything without the surgeon's input in the matter since they thing it is having something to do with his last surgery.

Well we got the results from the ER visit Monday the 30th of April and there was no UTI and not infection anywhere according to the blood test, urine test, and the x-ray.  WHAT!!!  Now then why did he spike a temp and why did he double his oxygen and struggle to breathe?  Go figure let's just cause a little bit more stress.  Ok Lord it is in your hands since i cannot handle the stress.

Well Tuesday May 1st was the follow up with the surgeon and apparently his wound it opening at the top by the shoulder, and at the bottom under his arm.  Holy cow child would you just leave your wound alone!!!  So now he has steri strips on both the open parts since the doctor doesn't want it to open any more than it was.  He cannot stitch it up since it is infected but it looks like just a surface infection.  Of course he said that if we did get a CT scan to also get the lung volume measured and that might help with when we get the doctors all together and have a nice discussion about what is going on with Rhett.  We had a CT scan on Friday after I took Rhett to the doctor to get some blood work done.  We got the results of his blood work, but we are still waiting for the results of the CT scan.

The blood work came back good.  His iron is finally coming up and his white blood cells are normal.  His glucose is normal after the doctor thinking that it might be high and that he might even be diabetic.  Well that is great that everything is normal!!!  I just wish that I had that CT results.  I won't get those until Monday and that is TODAY!!!  I cannot wait!!  I will post another update very soon promise!

Update

So I get a call Friday from the pediatrician and he tells me this, "The doctor that looked over Rhett's x-ray from Wednesday and compared it to the last one that he had taken said that the hazy stuff in his right lung is worse than it was when he was in the hospital.  There is also more fluid gathering around his lung.  The left side looks better though."  Man this is going to be a conversation.

He continued, "I want you to take him in Monday to the hospital and have another x-ray taken to see what has happened since Wednesday.  I am sending the order up now." 

I reply, "If it is worse meaning the fluid build up around his lung or even the haziness in his lung than what am I to do?"

He sighed and said, "Well if that is the case we could be looking at having him back in the hospital.  But we are going to have to watch this ever so close."

As I am sitting there trying to absorb everything that is getting dumped on me as I try to shield my family, thinking 'Oh that really SUCKS!!  Can I swear a few times???  No fine I will smile to the world and everything is going to be fine.'  I ask, "What time will I have to take him in?  Since they are testing and I cannot pull him from school he has already missed some tests and he really needs to take these tests."

"You might be able to go in anytime, but they should be calling you.  This surgery has been one of the hardest ones that he has gone through huh?"

Me thinking 'Really?  Not so sure since that first one was a HUGE one and he was in the hospital for 2 weeks.'  "You might be right."  'Seriously I crack myself up!

So more test needed.  More blood drawn in a week and a half hoping that the iron helps, but seriously not seeing anything yet.  I thought Iron helped fast, but maybe I am giving it too much credit.

This is my life I have apparently signed up for this and I handle it the best I can.  If I don't smile and laugh even in sad moments I cry and I have a hard time stopping.  I know that the Lord is in control even with this, sometimes that helps but there are those moments that it hurts.  I try to always remember that the Lord has suffered my pain but still I feel it too.  He knows what is best and I hope that I can always remember that.  I listen, watch and read things to help me get distracted and take me out of my reality.  Like fiction, cartoons, and zumba.  I know I should read, watch and listen to uplifting things but sometimes that brings out those feelings that make me cry lots.  They bring me back to reality, when I just need a break.  I hope that I am doing a good job, but I guess I will have to wait and have the Lord tell me one day, "You were sent to earth and you did a great job."

Family Pictures

Well the Young Women were doing a fundraiser today for camp and what they were offering was too good to pass up.  They were doing family pictures up to 8 poses and walk away with a CD for only $20!!  Since we normally cannot afford family pictures we just use our camera and have someone take our pictures or one of us is usually missing from the pictures.  So we decided to splurge on pictures today and help the Young Women raise money for camp.  It was so much fun but we got some great pictures too!  Here they are.  Some of them not so great others AWESOME!

Not sure if I like this one.  I guess it could be worse, but my kids sure look cute!

Honestly this one isn't any better. LOL! Maybe I am just a hard person to please since I am judging myself.  I do think it is cute that my older boys are sitting the same way. :)

Then we have this one I think I might just like this one. LOL!!

Ok So I like this one too I think. :)

So I just love this one!! My kids are so super cute!!! :D Proud mom moment!! 

This is also one that I just LOVE!!! 

Not smiling so much but still cute!! :)

Me and my sweetheart. Not sure I like this picture. I am so critical of me, why can't I get over it? 

I really like this one of us more then the other two. 

Last one. Still I like the other one better. LOL!! 

But for just a little bit a money to help some wonderful girls get to camp these were great!!!  The pictures have been long over due and I am happy about the results.  I hope they do this every year that would be totally AWESOME!!!  I will have to get more people there and make it super busy for them if that happens.  he he he!