Why people?!?!? Judgments need to stop!!!

I have felt like this often and I deal with it almost daily. Don't press your luck if you are dealing with me.

Don't underestimate me!

I will come out on top!!!

Seriously?  What I thought was a kind gesture a few years ago turned into a knife into the heart.  How come people think that it is ok for them to be judgmental towards others, by their standards?  I am by no means perfect but I try really hard not to judge others if I have not walked in their shoes.  I know what it feels like to be judged and it isn’t pleasant.  I look at it this way…. Is it my place to be critical or disapproving towards others? No!!! Why be negative towards others when you have yourself to take care of?  I just don’t understand why people would what to be hypercritical and condemnatory towards their fellow men?!?!?!  Maybe it is just me, but I think that is just wrong.

Yes I can use all the FRIENDS I can get.

After hearing that the help I got on my birthday a few years ago was only to see how I am doing, and they went and told people that I did nothing but sit there, when I was sorting laundry for everyone in the house?!?!?!  REALLY????  Do they have any idea what I face on a daily basis???? NO!!!!  Do they comprehend the drama that is brought into my house due to medical strain, teenagers, and addictions?????  NO, THEY DON’T HAVE A CLUE!!!!!!!  Why did they say something so damaging???  What would cause them to say that????  I don’t think that even stopped to consider how it would affect me and my family.  I often wonder if people are so worried about others to not even think that what they are saying is going to have a damaging effect on anyone.  Well they couldn’t be more wrong!!!  I don’t need people like that in my life.  I have too much I have to deal with and I choose to not deal with that!!!

Please be more understanding, and if you can't you deal with it, everyone has problems.

When you are dealing with so much that your mind never stops running then you might be able to give your opinion but if it is degrading to others don’t bother opening your mouth.  Keep that stuff to yourself.  Work it out in your heart since there is going to be no good coming from it if you share it with others.

Yes this is easier said than done.  It is hard work and you need to give people credit for facing the problems that they have and not allowing their lives get swept away.

It is so hard!

People have often asked how I am doing and to tell you the truth I just want to cry!  No there are very few people who know what it is like facing what I face every day but most of them are different issues since I don't know of anyone who has what my boys have.

You have no idea how hard it is to talk to these doctors and get as much info as you can and then understand that said info.  But when the doctors finally see the results and they can see how bad the results are... you still have to smile because you have your children right there and there is nothing that you can do about that but the doctors face drops into an almost grim face.  After going through what I have to go through I often tell people that I don't care, I also will tell people what I think most of the time if I am in one of my moods that let's me just get it out.  I feel like such a horrible person sometimes for being honest and mean with people, but heck the petty problems that they face compared to mine are so just that petty.  Yes I know that there are many people out there that have their challenges and I know it is hard for them, I understand.  I know everyone has problems and they are all different, and that is a good thing.  But when you ask for my opinion and you want me to be honest do be so put out if I don't tell you what you want to hear because I can only take so much before I just snap.

You have to understand where I am coming from.  We struggle everyday with just getting by not only with money, food, and everyday things but also with the health of our boys.  No we don't get help very often because we know of many people that could use it, and feel that they could use it more than us.

But man when we get the rug pulled out from under us so many times often I am ready to throw in the towel and say "screw you, I am done!"  How many times do I have to watch the faces of doctors drop and then have them tell me that they don't know?  I would love a straight answer for once instead of this I don't know, or we might be able to...

So Rhett asked me the other day when it was just him as me... "Mom if I pray hard enough and want it really bad and have the faith to get it will the lord give me the ability to fly?"
As I looked at him and tried not to laugh since I wouldn't have thought he wanted to fly, but then I remember he does love planes and wants to go on them more.  But because of fund not going to happen anytime soon...  I looked at him and said... "No sweetheart.  The Lord doesn't have the power to give you the ability to fly.  You see, people were not created with wings to fly on their own and that is why we have airplanes and not wings."
After he thought about that for a little while he said... "Well if I pray really hard and have the faith will the Lord be able to help get me off oxygen?"
As I looked at him and wanted to cry I said without crying..."Yes honey the Lord has the ability and power to help you get off oxygen.  It might not be the answer that you expect but he can do that if that is what you really want."
As I thought about that answer that I gave him I wonder if he really knows what is going on, I mean he is a smarty pants.  He even told the doctor that without oxygen he turns blue.

What would you do if you had to face everyday watching your child not breathe right and then find out and have the knowledge that the lungs of your child are not functioning the way that they are suppose to meaning that the lungs are slowly not working anymore?  How would you handle it?

The things said

So this might sound like a little rant but this has really been bothering me and I am sure I am not the only person out there that feels this way.

I am not perfect but I try my best to treat others the way that I would want them to treat me and my kids.  Here is the point...

If you have mean things to say DON'T!!!  Yes I know you are entitled to your own opinion and that is great, but why don't you think before you open your mouth?  Think how is this going to affect the other person.  There is a good chance that you don't know what is going on in their life right now, or you are not sure how they are handling everything that they have to in balance.

I know I have been hurt several times by people ranging from family to total strangers not thinking before they speak and really hurting me.  They will never know how much they have hurt me because I refuse to stoop to their level and let them know they have hurt me.  I know they don't mean to be hurtful to me, but that doesn't make the hurt go away.  There are lots of people that just do not understand that when they open their mouth and say what they want they are bound to hurt someone.  They think that it is something that needs to be heard, but most of the time that isn't the case.

I know that this also applies to me but I am trying to keep my opinions to myself and then if someone asks then I will share but until that person actually asks too bad I refuse to share.  I don't want to hurt others like I have been hurt.

This also applies to parents teaching their kids on the correct things to say.  I have seen several kids come up and ask me(usually) and Rhett(sometime) point blank, "What is wrong with him/you?"  He looks at me with a broken heart.  I turn point blank doesn't matter what age the child is or adult, "There is nothing wrong with him what is wrong with you?"  I know mean but get it through your head!  This boy has been through so much and he thought you were his friend until you opened you mouth and didn't think about asking why he has oxygen, or why he is shorter than normal kids his age.

You should teach your kids how to approach someone with a disability and ask questions appropriately.  I know I have done that with my kids and I correct them often  and we go over situations where I might not be with them but if they are curious and want to ask questions ask them with the feels of the person they are talking to in mind so they do not cause unnecessary heart ache.

Going on with my little rant...

Even if you think you might have the persons best interest in mind understand you do not know them as well as you might like to believe you do.  I am tired of defending myself from all the closed minded peoples attacks verbally.  I understand that we are all human but please think before you speak.  Even if you know the persons background and you know what is going on in their life it still gives you no excuse to say anything you want to them even if you think it will make them feel better.  Well guess what it doesn't help and it makes the person you are talking to feel horrible!!!  Often times I just want people to let me know that they care, I don't want pity or drama from them

I let people know what is going on in my life so that way my sister and brother stay informed and that is the only reason if I help others that it great.  They both live so far away and it easier for me to just put everything here so they know what is going on since I normally have so much going on that it can be hard keeping track of everything.

On a different note I have had a few people ask me how I handle everything all the time.  It really isn't that hard.  Either I laugh or cry but if I start crying I never stop.  I put a smile on my face so no one knows what is going on, and trust me I am a great actress.  I only go day by day.  I am thankful that I am able to get up in the morning and to be able to get things done that I need to do.

Hope everyone has a great day!

Just stuff...

Oh so frustrated!!! I was really hoping for some answers but instead I get to wait. Don't the doctors understand that I hate waiting? Well maybe I should make them wait huh?

It was such a long day today since we didn't have very much going on today since there was no school. The kids didn't even get the house clean. LOL!! Ok I am not a mean mommy making my kids clean the house all by themselves but they do need to clean their own rooms. They need to learn that I am not the maid in the house and everyone works together.

I know that is sometimes expecting too much but heck all I want is my floor back. :) Rhett and Gavin are pretty good about cleaning up their room and working together when they want to... Nikole on the other hand is struggling with the fact that she needs to clean up her room. She wants some help so I figure I would let Dylan help since they share a room. ROTFL!!! Ok now we all know how good a 2 year old can help. She doesn't like having Dylan help very much since he likes to play and make messes.

I guess they will be cleaning up the house tomorrow. Wah ha ha ha!!! Little do they know what is in store for them. :) I feel like this next month is coming on too fast and I am trying to so hard to tread water. I am getting so tired of treading water. Let's just pray that I will be able to figure out how to swim before I drowned.