January what a painful month

Things have been really crazy around here.  I have a lot that I am juggling and I feel awful for not staying on top of the blog.

There have been some really hard things that I have had to process so far this year.  I am very grateful that I have had music to be able to calm me and be able to find my center.  I will relay what I can to help you understand a little.  Starting right before Christmas my kids started getting sick.  By the beginning of the new year we were all starting to feel healthier, until the 14th of January.  That day started out some what normal with getting kids out the door to school.  All except for the pain in the neck that I had woken with.  I took meds to alleviate the pain, and went to help my friend who I love dearly.  As the day wore on the pain never did stop it just got worse.  I am not a wimp and thought I can work through this, no biggie!  My friend wanted me to go get Dylan and then go back to her house and hang out more.  As I sat there thinking that maybe I can do that it got harder and harder to breathe and then there was pain in my chest right where my heart is.  I wasn't scared but I know that my inhaler was at home and that I needed that in order to breathe better.  I told her that I wasn't she that was a good idea and that I needed to go home.  As I was driving home the pain was getting more and more intense and starting to spread into my shoulders and down my arms.  It hurt so bad just to take a breath that I really didn't want to breathe at all just to not be in pain.  While driving and listening to my music I ended up calling my mom and asking her what I should do since I hurt pretty bad.  She recommended calling the doctor, or going to the ER.  Well being as I was trying to brush it under the rug I called the doctor and it took me 3 times trying to just talk to the nurse to then be told that I need to go to the ER since I was having chest pain.  Thankfully Dylan was home and I didn't have to worry about him being dropped off without someone home to get him.  I loaded him up and off to the ER we went.  I was also letting my sisters and my business associates know what was going on since I was planning on being at a business meeting that night. (That so doesn't happen when you are in the ER for a few hours.)  After getting to the ER it was work walking in and not just wanting to collapse from pain.  As I was checking in they asked for my ID and it was too much for me to even get that out and ended up handing my whole wallet to the person checking me in. (I have never done that before!)  At that point I realized that I was really not all there if I was trusting a person I have never met before with my wallet.  As I get taken back with Dylan to a room they said it would be crazy for a little while which is understandable. (The fastest way to get a room in the ER is to tell them you have chest pain.)  As soon as I was ready (had help with the gown and crap like that since it hurt so bad to breathe and the pain in my chest felt like a lot of pressure and that hurt too) they had the EKG tech ready and in sticking "stickers" all over and hooking me up to a machine to get the information on my heart rhythms.  Then after the EKG and they didn't see anything wrong with it they sent me to get a chest x-ray.  As they were getting ready to wheel me to radiology Dylan jumped on the bed and hitched a ride and was able to stay with the technician while I was getting the x-rays done and then I was wheeled back.  To my surprise when I got back to my "room" my sister was there waiting.  I was happy to see her, she was worried about me since things like this never happen to me. After a little while my daughter walks in tears streaming down her face.  She looked like she wanted to hug me but was unsure, so I gave her a hug and let her know that I was not dying.  She wasn't sure if I was telling the truth or not.

Insert - Of course I was typing and then my computer died and everything after this point was erased so I had to start again.  Sorry I was hoping to get this out two months ago.

Try to look good when you feel like dying.

A room with a view. HAHA

Back to the story....  They then did a ECHO which is basically a ultrasound of your heart.  They couldn't find anything wrong with me.  So because it was intense pain the doctor told me that I had inflammation.  What he was really saying was "I think you have costochondritis."  Which is inflammation in the chest.  They put me on major anti-inflammatories and steroids to help the inflammation decrease.  They sent me home with the orders to rest and take it easy.  (These doctors were men and I honestly think they have no idea what a woman's life is really like.  Rest I have yet to meet a woman that was a mother that knew what rest is considered.)  So I rested for the weekend and then it was Dylan's Birthday!!

Happy Birthday little man!

Daddy took the day off of work and was able to spend time with us and the did give me a chance to "rest" a little since all the kids were home from school that day.  Daddy, Dylan and I went out that day and got birthday stuff.  Dylan wanted a cake from the bakery and I was ok with that since I still was not feeling good.  (It is crazy how we take breathing for granted.)

Morning time and he is so happy to be 8!!

Picking out ice cream.  What is up with picking strawberry?

Can't say it better. Happy Birthday little boy!! :)

He even go to pick some wrapping paper out.

He had such a good time with mommy and daddy at the store.  He always loves spending time with mommy and daddy. :)  I am lucky to be his mom!

After that I had to hurry and set up a follow up appointment with my doctor since the medication that I got from the ER were almost gone and the pain was not going away.  How frustrating!

These gowns are AWFUL!

After getting more medication and starting to finally feel like myself even though I was taking quite a bit of medication.  That was between ibuprofen, steroids, and inhaler.  (Gosh dang it I better be feeling better after all that!)  It was time to celebrate my mom's birthday!

Because I am crazy and like to make a big deal about my mom's birthday I try to do everything I can to do that.  This year I took her, my dad, and my lovely aunt out to lunch on my mom's birthday. HAHA!  Ok Nikole came too just because her birthday was the next day and it was a birthday lunch.  I went to the dollar store and got balloons for all three of us birthday girls, with table toppers and decorations.  Went to the restaurant and set up before my mom, dad and aunt arrived.  I also made some awesome signs that all three birthday girls got to wear.  I got everything in place right before they got there.  We had so much fun talking and enjoying the time that we were able to spend together.

Birthdays!!

The only thing that I didn't plan was when the people came out and sang to us.  They even brought all three of us cake.  It was just a lot of fun.  We found out that there was writing on the plates with the cake.

This one was mine.

Line them all up and it reads "happy birthday to you".

After that day it was Nikole's birthday!!  Oh my to have a teenage daughter.  Let's just say life is never boring.

Another year older and now taller than I am.  That is ok I am not tall to begin with. HAHA!

My beautiful girl!

Even though being a teenager is hard according to my kids, they have yet to be an adult.  HAHA! Fourteen years ago she came into my life and brought with her a little piece of sunshine and happiness. She is an amazing artist and loves to just take things in unless she is absorbed in a book or video game. Since Sunday was her birthday on Monday when I got her from school she was lit up. She was so excited she has friends and the decorated her locker to the point that she couldn't even open it.  This is a huge blessing since she has never had anything like that happen.  She has had a few friends here and there but not to the extent she has now.  She wishes we lived closer so they could play more often.  So thank you to those friends that brought light into her life for her birthday.

Finally the last week of January!  So Rhett had his normal appointment for pulmonary that I thought was going to be in February but turned out to be on Monday morning to be exactly.  As we are heading to the hospital for his appointment my car is trying to die.  (What the crap!  Oh wait I planned to have a really bad day today.)  Those were my thoughts as I was trying to get my car up the hill to the hospital.  We got there a little late thanks to said car sputtering, but we were still able to have the test that is always dreaded complete.  The pulmonary function test.  The results were like I normally plan them to be, his lung function decreased again.

As you can see the *33 is lower than before and that is his function.

Nikole and Dylan also had their well child visits with the doctor that afternoon.  It was a day of running around and seeing doctors.  Glad that it isn't today.  Besides all that I only forgot that it was spirit week for Dylan, oops!  It ended on a good note with presents, and ice cream. HAHA!  Well Tuesday he was able to dress up superhero style.

Superhero Dylan!

Tuesday Gavin had a problem at school where he accidentally hurt a girl with a chair and felt terrible about it and shut down.  I got to go over and sit and talk with him during lunch and he was so sad. Wednesday I get a call while I was at counseling saying that the school was having a major problem with Gavin and I was at a loss at how to help him.  They needed help and so they put me on speaker phone and I was able to talk to him for a little bit and the officer ended up letting me know that because he had to move Gavin's hands he needed to write up a report just saying that he moved Gavin's hands.  By the time I got there school was almost over and Gavin had fallen asleep and when he woke up he was fine.  Thursday I get another call from the school that for fighting Wednesday he was in ISS (in school suspension) and refused to eat, talk to anyone, and do anything.  He ended up sitting in the hall way for 2-3 hours.  I was kinda shocked but I wasn't sure what to do with that.  My sister asked me if I could watch her baby so I was babysitting that day.

Isn't she a cutie!!

After school when I talked to him about it he slowly shut down on me, but when daddy got mad at him about his behavior he held it together and went to his room.  When I took my niece to the school to have grandma and grandpa take her home with her siblings I went in and talked to Gavin and let him know I was leaving and that I would be back later.  That cute baby brought a smile to his face before she went home.  By Friday I had thought that I was getting better from all the crap I had been going through that month, but by 9 am I wanted to die.  My chest hurt so bad.  As I laid in bed texting my sister and husband.  I could tell my mind was not with it since it felt like I was in and out of awareness.  Grateful that Rhett was the only one home and I was able to rest.  By noon I knew there was no way I was going to be able to get Nikole from school, and asked my husband to get her.  He did and by the time he brought her home the doctor had told me to go to the ER or call an ambulance. I have already been through this once this month I figure it would be the same so I refused to call an ambulance for myself.  My husband took me to the ER as soon as he got home with Nikole.  It was so painful to sit, walk, or stand.  Laying down was painful but not as much as the other ones.  In my mind I was like.... "Really? Again?  Why can't this just go away?!?"  You would not even believe this but it was just like déjà vu.

Same Hospital. Yeah I don't think I look that great after having all that pain either.

Same Room.

It was like I never left. HAHA!  So they ran all the tests again except for the ECHO since I just had that on the last ER trip.  This time the white blood cells were elevated but everything else came back good.  The ER doctor that saw me this day was leaning toward me having pleurisy where the lining of the lung becomes inflamed.  Again with the inflammation, you would think it would want to go away. Just to be on the safe side the doctor referred me to cardiologist for a stress test to make sure my heart was not being affected by all of this.  I did not have time for this!

Dylan wanted to be baptized on his birthday but the soonest that we could do that was the 30th.  He was so excited!!  Grinned all day.  I thankfully was not alone since I was still in extreme pain and just went with the flow of things.  He had a lot of support for his decision and was able to have pictures with his siblings and cousins after.

Shoveling before heading to the church.

Dylan and Daddy

Oh look they are all mostly smiling!

My handsome little baby boy!

So January was a rough month to say the least.  Between the inflammation in my ribs according to the doctor and then inflammation in the lining of my lungs and Rhett's lung function dropping again and Gavin acting out at school it was a whirlwind.  Happy to see it end on a happy note.

Holy Cow! Exausting to say the least.

This last month I started to notice that I was crazy tired.  Not the normal thing for me, even if I only sleep 3-5 hours a night.  I am usually running like crazy getting things done that need to be done, cause that is how I roll.  Well anyway I really noticed it when I was at work and I was looking at a teacher and my body felt like it was shutting down on me without permission.  I thought it might have been a fluke.  But when it happened again later that day and then continued for a few days I called the doctor.  Unfortunately I had to wait until the next week to see the doctor.  It was so hard to be looking at the world as you can’t do things that you want to do because you are too tired.  I thought for sure my iron was low and when I made it to the doctor’s on Monday, after taking Rhett to the doctor (I will explain that in a minute), I told the doctor that I normally sleep 3-5 hours and an able to go nonstop all day.  If I get more sleep than that I am dragging.  She looked at me like I was nuts, I felt like saying to her, “What, you want to take my place for a day?” But I didn’t I was nice.  I told her that I think my iron is low and she just was like you need to sleep more and that is all.  I was not happy, I insisted that my iron was low since things were too weird for me zoning and not even thinking about it or giving my body permission to zone.  She placated me and told me they were going to get some blood work and they would call me with the results.  I was grateful that she just was trying to not piss me off completely.  So I had blood work done and went on with my day feeling so tired.  I get a call Tuesday around 5 pm letting me know that my iron was fine but my thyroid was not good and they needed to do more blood work.  I sighed not even sure what that meant but went back Wednesday afternoon and had more blood work done.  Thursday I get a call telling me that my levels were still not good and they were going to put me on medicine.  I was like…. HUH???  What does this mean?  The doctor’s assistant let me know that I have hypothyroidism.  Again I was like… HUH?!?!  What the heck is that?  Well instead of asking her and her trying to explain it in some other language than English, because we all know doctors speak this special code called Doctor Terms and Medical Terminology.  Well I am good at understanding when I am AWAKE!!!  Not when I am too tired to think.  Geez!!!  What do I do….?  I google it.  Yep I was just trying to figure out what was wrong with me.  Without thinking too hard.  LOL!!!  Smart huh?  Well to cut to the chase I find out that my thyroid is underactive, meaning it isn’t producing enough important hormones to keep my body as it was.  It normally happens to OLD people mostly women especially those older than 60 years.  I am not OLD and I refuse to ever be OLD.  I swear my body didn’t get that memo.  Memo to self, inform the body that you are not ever going to get old!!  Gratefully I found out about it before the medical problems that are normally associated with it happened.  They would have been: obesity, joint pain, infertility (like that is a problem), and heart disease. Lucky for me I noticed the sever fatigue which is normally accompanied by weight gain.  But I have not been eating very much since November so I didn’t have the weight gain that it suggested that normally happens.  When I googled it I came across this list that is normal for those with hypothyroidism.

Hypothyroidism signs and symptom may include:

·         Fatigue

·         Increased sensitivity to cold

·         Constipation

·         Dry skin

·         Unexplained weight gain

·         Puffy face

·         Hoarseness

·         Muscle weakness

·         Elevated blood cholesterol level

·         Muscle aches, tenderness and stiffness

·         Pain, stiffness or swelling in your joints

·         Heavier than normal or irregular menstrual periods

·         Thinning hair

·         Slowed heart rate

·         Depression

·         Impaired memory

Out of all of those I only had the ones in red.  I am glad I am so in tune with my body that I know when something is wrong.  I just wish doctors would listen better ot patients.  Oh well I guess they don’t get many people like me in their offices.  HAHA!  I should start diagnosing myself with all my knowledge, oh wait I did just have to google this thing.  :D I guess there is always some drawback.  I am not sure how long it takes for this medicine to kick in but it better be soon I have things I have to do.

Not sure if you can see the bruise from them taking my blood but it is still there, lucky that it is fading.

Ok now back to me taking Rhett to the doctor on Monday.  Over the weekend he told me that he felt hot.  Well actually he was telling me that since the state drama competition in Richfield which was April 9^th through 11^th.  But of course I didn’t bring anything to take his temperature.  So the following weekend when he told me that I pulled out my thermoscan and took his temperature and it was 103.5, yea just a little high.  OK so I took it 4 times and it all came back over 103.  GEEZ!!!!  I believe he wasn’t feeling good and sleeping lots.  So I took him in Monday morning and the doctor said that they needed an x-ray since they could hear a little bit of yuck in his lung.  So an x-ray was done and the radiologist said there was no difference between his last x-ray and this new one.  But I think the last on was when he was sick too!  HAHA!!  So he was placed on heavy duty antibiotics and I was told by the doctor if his fever was still high by the weekend they would probably admit him to the hospital.  CRAP!!!  I don’t have time for this.  Gratefully his fever finally broke Wednesday and he was able to go back to school Thursday.  We barely made it out of the hospital.  I was happy since I was having problems.  But without the antibiotics he would have struggled to breathe even more than normal and he would have ended up in the hospital for sure.  Good thing we have a great pediatrician.

My sick boy at the doctor's office.  He always puts on a smile when the camera is around.

When I asked him why he smiled, his smile faded. He was really sick.

Well this the latest that I have without thinking too hard since I am still tired and my brain is so not working the way that it is normally working. :P Dumb thing.  I will keep you posted on what the doctors say.  I know for me they want me back to have more blood work done in June to make sure that I have the right dose for the hypothyroidism.  Hopefully something wonderful will happen between now and then to combat the bad that has been happening.

Why people?!?!? Judgments need to stop!!!

I have felt like this often and I deal with it almost daily. Don't press your luck if you are dealing with me.

Don't underestimate me!

I will come out on top!!!

Seriously?  What I thought was a kind gesture a few years ago turned into a knife into the heart.  How come people think that it is ok for them to be judgmental towards others, by their standards?  I am by no means perfect but I try really hard not to judge others if I have not walked in their shoes.  I know what it feels like to be judged and it isn’t pleasant.  I look at it this way…. Is it my place to be critical or disapproving towards others? No!!! Why be negative towards others when you have yourself to take care of?  I just don’t understand why people would what to be hypercritical and condemnatory towards their fellow men?!?!?!  Maybe it is just me, but I think that is just wrong.

Yes I can use all the FRIENDS I can get.

After hearing that the help I got on my birthday a few years ago was only to see how I am doing, and they went and told people that I did nothing but sit there, when I was sorting laundry for everyone in the house?!?!?!  REALLY????  Do they have any idea what I face on a daily basis???? NO!!!!  Do they comprehend the drama that is brought into my house due to medical strain, teenagers, and addictions?????  NO, THEY DON’T HAVE A CLUE!!!!!!!  Why did they say something so damaging???  What would cause them to say that????  I don’t think that even stopped to consider how it would affect me and my family.  I often wonder if people are so worried about others to not even think that what they are saying is going to have a damaging effect on anyone.  Well they couldn’t be more wrong!!!  I don’t need people like that in my life.  I have too much I have to deal with and I choose to not deal with that!!!

Please be more understanding, and if you can't you deal with it, everyone has problems.

When you are dealing with so much that your mind never stops running then you might be able to give your opinion but if it is degrading to others don’t bother opening your mouth.  Keep that stuff to yourself.  Work it out in your heart since there is going to be no good coming from it if you share it with others.

Yes this is easier said than done.  It is hard work and you need to give people credit for facing the problems that they have and not allowing their lives get swept away.

Geez.... Too close for comfort

I have seen friends on Facebook that take these quizzes and so I was like what the heck why not, but I am so not going to encourage others to take them because they are just stupid. Right? When I took this one my heart dropped. It made me sad and I figured since I am going to be working on updating my blog more often then I will just put my results here even though they hit kinda close to home. This was my "what emotion are you guided by" quiz.

Vulnerability

You are a very emotional, sensitive person. You act upon your feelings, even if it's hurting you, and your strong and vivid emotions tend to get the best of you. Being vulnerable is not a negative thing - it makes you more aware of other people's emotions and when they might be hurt. Trying to grow a thicker skin might be a good idea, but don't hurry. Keep your tender soul alive for as long as you can, it's precious

After getting this result I decided that they were just messing with my head. So I took another quiz. The name of that quiz is "which mythical creature is hidden inside you". I just starting crying when I got his result.

Unicorn

You prefer to hide from most, sharing your magic only with the innocent, pure and untainted. Rare and unique, some may wish to conquer you to prove something, but they're up for quite a fight, as behind the tenderness of your gaze hides immense strength and ability

So I was honestly not expecting that either one of these answers and to make matters worse it is how I feel. I thought they were suppose to be fun nothing but nonsense but I guess I am wrong on at least two accounts.

I have just returned from taking Rhett and a few other youth to youth conference where they learned about trust. I will post pictures tonight. It was lots of fun and very special to all of us that attended.