Update

So I get a call Friday from the pediatrician and he tells me this, "The doctor that looked over Rhett's x-ray from Wednesday and compared it to the last one that he had taken said that the hazy stuff in his right lung is worse than it was when he was in the hospital.  There is also more fluid gathering around his lung.  The left side looks better though."  Man this is going to be a conversation.

He continued, "I want you to take him in Monday to the hospital and have another x-ray taken to see what has happened since Wednesday.  I am sending the order up now." 

I reply, "If it is worse meaning the fluid build up around his lung or even the haziness in his lung than what am I to do?"

He sighed and said, "Well if that is the case we could be looking at having him back in the hospital.  But we are going to have to watch this ever so close."

As I am sitting there trying to absorb everything that is getting dumped on me as I try to shield my family, thinking 'Oh that really SUCKS!!  Can I swear a few times???  No fine I will smile to the world and everything is going to be fine.'  I ask, "What time will I have to take him in?  Since they are testing and I cannot pull him from school he has already missed some tests and he really needs to take these tests."

"You might be able to go in anytime, but they should be calling you.  This surgery has been one of the hardest ones that he has gone through huh?"

Me thinking 'Really?  Not so sure since that first one was a HUGE one and he was in the hospital for 2 weeks.'  "You might be right."  'Seriously I crack myself up!

So more test needed.  More blood drawn in a week and a half hoping that the iron helps, but seriously not seeing anything yet.  I thought Iron helped fast, but maybe I am giving it too much credit.

This is my life I have apparently signed up for this and I handle it the best I can.  If I don't smile and laugh even in sad moments I cry and I have a hard time stopping.  I know that the Lord is in control even with this, sometimes that helps but there are those moments that it hurts.  I try to always remember that the Lord has suffered my pain but still I feel it too.  He knows what is best and I hope that I can always remember that.  I listen, watch and read things to help me get distracted and take me out of my reality.  Like fiction, cartoons, and zumba.  I know I should read, watch and listen to uplifting things but sometimes that brings out those feelings that make me cry lots.  They bring me back to reality, when I just need a break.  I hope that I am doing a good job, but I guess I will have to wait and have the Lord tell me one day, "You were sent to earth and you did a great job."